Taking things personally – it’s all about you

Do you often find yourself feeling hurt, offended, or defensive in response to feedback, criticism, or even casual remarks from others?

Do you tend to take things personally, even when they may not be directed at you?

If so, unfortunately you’re not alone. Many people struggle with this tendency.  A tendency that leads to a more intrenched habit of negative thinking, negative emotions, strained relationships and self-doubt.  But it doesn’t have to be this way.

The good news is that taking things personally is not coded in our DNA or a fixed personality trait. It’s a habit that can be changed with practice and awareness. By learning to recognise the signs of personalisation, challenging your assumptions, and fostering a more balanced perspective, you can free yourself from the struggle that is caused by taking things too personally.

In this blog post, we’ll explore some practical strategies and tips to help you stop taking things personally. And if you want a slightly quirkier approach, there are some playful suggestions too which may ease the struggle.  Whether you’re dealing with criticism at work, conflict with friends or family, or just your own inner critic, these techniques can help you build resilience, confidence, and a healthier mindset. So, let’s dive in!

Tips to help stop taking things personally

1. Before you do anything else, do some deep breathing – no willpower or skill needed.  Just do it.
2. Try to understand the perspective of the person making the comment and consider what might be going on in their life to make them say what they did.  Think of the times you have unintentionally offended or upset someone.  What is the compassion you would hope they could have for you?
3. Recognise that everyone has their own biases and experiences that shape their opinions. It’s not always about you.
4. Just because someone criticises your work or behaviour, it doesn’t mean you are a bad person or unworthy of respect.  Try to separate your identity and self-worth from what you are perceiving.  What are the facts?
5. Instead of taking it as a personal attack, see it as an opportunity to learn and grow.  Maybe what you said or did was a bit shitty.  We are not perfect.  How can you reframe the situation into a learning opportunity to become a better you?
6. Practice some form of mindfulness to become more aware of your thoughts and emotions. This can help you detach from negative feelings and observe them without reacting.
7. Being offended is always a choice – even when someone is intending to offend you.  Remember that you are in control of your own reactions and choosing to be offended is not going to help you deal with the situation in a way that is best for you.  Instead, choose to explore the emotions and thoughts that come up for you in the moment.
8. Journal about the situation, your thoughts and emotions.  Build that self-awareness.
9. Explore the situation with a trusted friends or family member who can provide perspective and encouragement.
10. Finally, consider seeking professional help from a therapist, counsellor or coach if you struggle with taking things personally on a regular basis. They can provide guidance and techniques to help you manage your reactions and emotions in a healthier way.

Playful tips to help stop taking things personally

The above is always the best strategy if you have an tendency of taking things personally.  But sometimes a more playful approach could work best for you.  Especially so when someone is choosing to be offensive.  This is always about them!  And if you have someone in your life who is doing this regularly, it is time to put some boundaries in place and limit your time with them or remove them from your life.

1. Pretend you’re a superhero with a thick skin. You’re Superwoman or Captain Invincible and no negative comment can penetrate your shield!
2. Imagine the person criticizing you is actually a toddler throwing a tantrum. Don’t take it personally, they’re just having a bad day.
3. Create a mantra to repeat to yourself when you start to feel hurt. “I am a fierce and fabulous unicorn, and nobody’s opinion can bring me down!”
4. Imagine you’re playing a game of dodgeball, and negative comments are the balls flying at you. Just like in the game, dodge and weave until they can’t hit you anymore.
5. Think of yourself as crummiest pizza that you know some people don’t like. For you it’s still a scrummy pizza, it’s just not everyone’s cup of tea.
6. Visualise yourself hugging them and wishing them being a better person next time.
7. Picture the person criticising you as a grumpy old cat. You wouldn’t take it personally if a cat hissed at you, would you?
8. Imagine yourself as a majestic swan gliding across a pond. Negative comments are just ripples on the water, but you’re too graceful to be affected by them.

The takeaway

If you have a tendency to be easily offended by what others say or do, this is bound to cause life to feel like a struggle and will very likely be impacting your relationships with others too.  Remember that feeling offended is always a choice.  A choice that doesn’t help you or those around you.  Be the drop that creates the ripple, be kind to yourself and choose to find a way to stop taking things personally.

How has “taking things personally” affected your life and relationships? Do you have any additional thoughts or insights to share?

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