Where do we begin . . . ?
Healthy relationships with others start with a healthy relationship with “ME”.
Ultimately, we don’t respond to the things that happen to us. We respond to our perspective of what happens to us.
There are many aspects that determine the habit of perspective we have on life. All of us have developed stories of our past that cause our perspective to make life a bit of a rough ride.
Even the best of intentioned parents are not perfect. And then we get those who were, and are. just damn dangerous.
But no matter what we have experienced in the past, we do have the power to create positive change from these past experiences to experience a happier here and now, and a future.
Ultimately, by building and practicing self-love.
Signs you could do with a dosing of self-love
You’re needy in relationships (co-dependent)
Your close/intimate relationships are chaotic or toxic
You have an unhealthy relationship with food – you are obsessive about controlling your weight
You’re easily triggered by what others say and/or exposure to certain environments or situations (hypervigilance)
You wake up feeling anxious and go to bed feeling anxious
You feel the need for everything to be perfect – ‘good enough’ is never good enough
You feel a sense of shame when you look in the mirror every day
Standing up for yourself seems like an impossibility
You feel that no one ever bothers to listen to you or that you’re constantly undermined or taken advantage of
You don’t commit to self-care practices because you see it as selfish
You constantly feel overwhelmed or stressed
You’re constantly worrying about what people are thinking of you
You feel the constant need to please others
Negative emotions scare you
You feel uncomfortable or lonely spending time on your own
You choose to isolate yourself from others every opportunity you get
You are driven to high-risk sexual behaviour
You’re always saying ‘“sorry”, even at times when you know you were not at fault
You find it difficult to say “no” when it is not what you want or can provide
You find it difficult to say “yes” to opportunities through fear of failure, embarrassment etc.
Allowing any of the above self-love lacking behaviours to continue for an extended period of time could lead to emotional dysregulation. Not only does repair/recovery then become more challenging, but emotional dysregulation can often also lead to physiological disorders that may never be able to be repaired e.g.autoimmune diseases.
Just one could end up being one too many . . .
What emotional dysregulation can present as . . .
self-harm
substance abuse/addiction
eating disorders
depression
anxiety (panic attacks, PTSD, social anxiety, OCD)
constant explosive outbursts
suicidal thoughts